Unhappy return to Stamford Bridge for Jose Mourinho

Chelsea Men 1-0 Benfica Men

Chelsea Men 3-1 Brighton Men

West Ham Women 0-4 Chelsea Women

Perhaps Chelsea should give up smoking. Ever since the players started emerging from the tunnel at Stamford Bridge in a cloud of the stuff, they've struggled.

It happened again at the weekend when the Blues stumbled to defeat against Brighton after running out on the pitch like participants in a vaping competition, and it nearly happened in midweek when Jose Mourinho returned with Benfica in the Champions League.

The idea, apparently, is to add a bit of theatre to the moments before kick-off, just as West Ham do at the London stadium with a flurry of bubbles.

Fireworks and vertical flamethrowers were added to the pre-match ballyhoo as the Portuguese visitors ran Chelsea close. But an 18th minute own goal by Richard Rios, forced by an excellent cross from Alejandro Garnacho, meant Mourinho left empty-handed. But he also left happy, personally, after he'd been serenaded by the home supporters at regular intervals.

He also left with a pack of custard creams! His favourite biscuits from his Cobham press conference days were nostalgically supplied again on the night by stalwart matchday steward Brian Pullman, who earned a warm hug from The Special One in the media room.

Tuesday night's game – ahead of Saturday's 'big one' against Liverpool at the Bridge – was a lively affair, even if the anticipated goalrush never materialised.

Red card programme curse

But yet again, slackness meant Chelsea were reduced to 10 men. It seems to have something to do with being the cover boy on the match programme. When Robert Sanchez featured on the front, he was red-carded the following week. When Trevoh Chalobah appeared on page one of the Brighton programme, he was dismissed. Then Joao Pedro – the cover boy on Tuesday – came on as sub, picked up two yellows and was also sent off for an early bath.

Every Blues player will be nervously looking at who features on the front-page photo on Saturday. Might I suggest an old photo of Mo Salah from his brief Chelsea days? That should do the trick!

Looking back to last weekend, Chelsea went into the interval against the Seagulls 1-0 up thanks to a deflected Reece James cross connecting perfectly with Enzo's bonce, but the 1-3 final score accurately reflected Brighton's second-half dominance.

The Blues must address their discipline, even if king of the hotheads – Nico Jackson – has now left. Being reduced to 10 men is hardly a recipe for long-term success, and Benoit Badiashile was fortunate only to see yellow for a push-and-shove with Seagulls captain Lewis Dunk.

Brighton have become wealthy in recent years on the strength of Chelsea's seemingly bottomless coffers, with visiting fans at the Bridge booing all the players uprooted from the south coast and transplanted to SW6. As Seagulls supporters gleefully chanted 'Brighton rejects' at Chelsea's players when the final whistle peeped, Blues fans dejectedly traipsed back to Fulham Broadway tube.

Women remain top

If the team are to avoid defeat against Liverpool this weekend, they have to keep 11 players on the pitch from start to finish. Perhaps they should watch replays of Chelsea Women's away triumph against lowly West Ham, with a 4-0 victory cementing their place at the top of the table. The Irons lost Ines Belloumou to a red card in the 23rd minute after she tugged Alyssa Thompson's ponytail, but by then were 3-0 down anyway.

Manager Sonia Bompastor contradicted the oft-stated assertion that gaffers are not fixated on league positions by declaring with a half-smile that rivals had lost points the day before. "It was important for us to extend our lead," she said, adding that her team still needed to work on on-field connections.

Midfield dynamo Erin Cuthbert added that the sheer number of players vying for every position (bar goalie) was improving the overall quality. "There's so much competition in the squad now," she said. "Everyone wants a starting place now."